The Crying Soul
by AJ Matthews
Summary: Sequel to 'Shadows Of Memories'! Legolas and Aragorn set out to rescue his kidnapped friend. Chapter 14 is up! A/L slash!
1. Prologue

Note: None of these are my characters! This is the sequel to `Shadows of Memories', so I recommend reading that fic first, or you may not understand this one. This chapter is just the prologue, but the some of the rest of the fic will be written to the song `In the name of love'. That is not my song! This fic is Rated R for self-mutilation and violence! Need at least 10 reviews before the first chapter!  
  
Prologue:  
  
*************************************************************  
  
I don't know what to do anymore... It gets worse every day.  
  
And you don't even know about the pain I keep inside.  
  
Because I don't want to hurt you in any way.  
  
But I can't keep fighting this urge within to end it all;  
  
This desire to end it all myself and leave this world behind.  
  
How hard it is to resist this insistent, urgent call  
  
How easy it would be, if you were not with me.  
  
But you are not here my love, and I can't bring myself to say the words...  
  
"Aragorn, come to me, please... Can't you see?  
  
I need you."  
  
**************************************************************  
  
Legolas Greenleaf sat alone, with a bloody blade in his right hand. Blood trickled from a new, deep gash on his left forearm.  
  
Numerous scarred gashes were below the gash. Just one more, Legolas thought to himself. Another scar to ease the pain away.  
  
And the blond elf felt nothing at all as he numbly looked at the wounds.  
  
And none could hear the silent cries, for they were not physical. So none knew about the pain. The self-mutilation and self-loathing.  
  
But inside, the tiny remaining spark of his soul was crying out for help.  
  
Crying out to the one person who might help Legolas regain what he had lost once more.  
  
The light of his Elven soul.  
  
To be continued 


	2. Secret Pain

Note: None of these are my characters! This is the sequel to `Shadows of Memories' (SOM), so I recommend reading that fic first! This fic is Rated R for self-mutilation, thoughts of suicide, and violence! It is also a song fic to `In The Name Of Love', and it is not my song! It reflects Legolas's emotions, not Aragorn's! This is in Legolas's POV (point of view). Takes place three weeks after the conclusion to SOM.  
  
Secret Pain  
  
Part 1  
  
I stood alone, gazing out of the window. I supposed it could be considered a nice day, for the sun was shining. Personally, I didn't see any beauty. It was just another day to me. I turned my gaze to my left forearm, and absentmindedly pulled the sleeve up.  
  
Days just came and went to me. I didn't really notice differences in them too much. A movement caught my attention out of the corner of my eyes, and I instinctively went into fighting mode. My green eyes grew hard as I silently unsheathed my sword and confronted the person, with the blade directly at the throat.  
  
Frodo gasped in shock and horror as he looked at me. His mouth opened and closed several times. "It's me, Legolas." He looked slightly afraid, which made me want to roll my eyes. If I had intended to kill him, I would have done so. The Hobbit's lower lip began to quiver, so I softened my gaze and removed my sword from his throat.  
  
"Sorry, Frodo," I said casually. "I thought you were Aragorn," I lied, making an excuse for my uncharacteristic behaviour. I ruffled his hair affectionately with my left arm, forgetting that I had pulled the sleeve up.  
  
Frodo made a face at me, for treating him as a child, I supposed. But my blood ran cold when his smaller hand grabbed onto my left arm in shock as he stared at it.  
  
"Where did those come from?" Frodo demanded, going pale as he looked at the scars on my left forearm, not to mention the fresh one, which had a bandage wrapped around it.  
  
"I had a slight accident," I said sharply.  
  
Frodo had a look of doubt on his face. "I saw your arm three weeks ago and you didn't have those then!" He sounded suspicious and I gave him the Look that `Rogue' had been famous for.  
  
Fear crept into Frodo's eyes. "What's wrong with you, Legolas? You're acting cold and mean! I'm going to tell Aragorn about those marks!"  
  
I grabbed him by the shoulders hard and lifted him into the air.  
  
"If you tell him, Frodo, I will disappear again. And this time, I won't come back," I hissed, my green eyes boring into Frodo's coldly.  
  
"All right!" Frodo cried, shaking in terror. "Let me go!"  
  
I placed him back on the ground and watched the Hobbit run off like a scared rabbit.  
  
As he vanished out of sight, I pulled my left sleeve down. I'd been careless this time, and I vowed that it would not happen again.  
  
Two arms encircled me from behind less than five minutes later. I tensed slightly, until a familiar voice spoke to me.  
  
"What are you doing here all alone?" Aragorn whispered in my ears. I let myself relax slightly, and turned to face my lover.  
  
A genuine smile appeared on my face, and my eyes returned to normal as I looked at him.  
  
`Missing you, as usual,' I murmured gently, as he brought his mouth to mine.  
  
This was the only pleasure I felt anymore. The sweet bliss and agony. The only thing that made me forget everything, including my pain.  
  
*****************************************************  
  
Heaven is a state of mind  
Hell is nothing more than pain  
Only you can make me feel that they're both the same  
Lying with you every night  
Lying to you every day  
How'd I let myself get trapped this way?  
******************************************************  
  
I had lied once more to the one I loved, but I knew it was for his own good. I struggled at maintaining my facade around him. But I knew Aragorn worried about me occasionally, as did Éomer.  
  
I had vowed never to tell Aragorn what I did to myself, for I knew it would break his heart. But Éomer was growing more and more suspicious of me, and had tried to get me to confess what I felt to him. I'd told him I was fine.  
  
*******************************  
  
So I do it in the name of love  
Only going through the motions  
Every time you reach for me  
I just do it in the name of love  
********************************  
  
Aragorn cupped my face gently, forcing me to look at him.  
  
`Where are you today, Legolas?' he whispered in Elvish.  
  
`Right here,' I told him, before I kissed him hard, distracting him. One of his hands came behind my head and tilted it up towards his face, while the other held me close.  
  
Warm heat soured through me as the kiss grew deeper. I slipped my tongue into Aragorn's mouth and was gratified when he pushed his own into mine. A moan of pleasure escaped from me, much to my own surprise.  
  
"That's better," Aragorn teased. I felt myself relaxing more, until I saw Éomer approaching from the direction that Frodo had run off in.  
  
"Legolas, do you have any idea of what is wrong with Frodo?" Éomer questioned carefully. "I found him sobbing and he won't tell me what's wrong."  
  
I shook my head, forcing puzzlement into my eyes. I let go of Aragorn reluctantly and looked at my half-Elven friend. "I have no idea," I lied easily.  
  
Éomer nodded slowly. "Can you think of anything that might have upset him, Aragorn?"  
  
"No..." Aragorn said slowly, releasing me from his warmth. "Maybe I should talk to him."  
  
I had to work hard to keep down my vehement denial of that. If Frodo told him...  
  
"Follow me, Aragorn," Éomer said.  
  
"I'll be right back," Aragorn told me.  
  
I nodded and watched them leave. I then stood there in the halls. God, I'd never come so close to being exposed before. And Frodo was probably going to avoid me forever. That hurt, but part of me just didn't care.  
  
That dark side of me wanted to end it all, but something inside of me kept me from doing so. I wasn't sure of what it was. I was tired of causing pain to my friends and my lover. And I didn't know why I bothered to stay.  
  
****************************  
Lately, I could be a ghost  
Drifting up and down these halls  
I used to know what kept me here  
Now I don't recall  
I wish I had the strength to leave  
I wish I had the heart to stay  
I wish I could disappear today  
*****************************  
  
Maybe it would be easier if I left and...  
  
No, I said angrily. I can't leave Aragorn. He'd be so hurt and lost. And I still love him, as I always have.  
  
I briskly walked down the hallway to where the others had gone, and made my way to Aragorn's side. He absentmindedly touched a hand to my shoulder as he spoke to Frodo. I placed an arm around him, needing his warmth for my soul.  
  
My tortured, lightless Elven soul.  
  
As I leaned against him slightly, I saw Frodo looking at me, fear and pain in his eyes. I returned the look, raising an eyebrow at him. I'd meant what I'd said.  
  
If Frodo told Aragorn what I had done to myself, I would leave.  
  
And from the way he looked away from my cruel, empty eyes, he knew it too.  
  
To be continued 


	3. When Truth Is Hidden

Note: None of these are my characters! Rated R for self-mutilation, mentioned rape, and violence! This is a song fic, but the song will only be in the story when it is Legolas's POV! Elvish speech is in `'. Aragorn's POV!  
  
When Truth Is Hidden  
  
Part 2  
  
I looked at my lover, and stared in shock. His eyes were empty as he looked at Frodo, as if giving him a silent warning.  
  
But then Legolas looked at me and smiled softly. Contentment shone in his eyes, as he leaned against me.  
  
I briefly wondered if I'd mistaken the look I'd seen. I squeezed Legolas's arm, as I looked back at Frodo.  
  
And again I was puzzled. Frodo was staring at Legolas, with fear and concern on his face, before the Hobbit suddenly wiped his tears away.  
  
"I'm all right," Frodo said. "I just had a bad day, that's all. I didn't mean to make you worry so much, Aragorn."  
  
Éomer frowned, and I did, as well.  
  
We both knew that Frodo did not cry very easily anymore, so something must have upset him. And I hated the thought in my head that Legolas might know something about it. Those two were acting awfully strange. Legolas hadn't even spoken to Frodo.  
  
I looked over at Éomer and saw that he was looking directly at Legolas. Suspicion was written in his eyes, as he gazed at the one I loved. Legolas must have felt Éomer watching him, for he turned and looked at him. I wasn't certain what happened, but I saw a hint of fear in Éomer's eyes when he looked away.  
  
`Frodo appears to be all right, Aragorn,' Legolas murmured in Elvish, as he turned back to me. He looked as he had just a few moments ago. So why had Éomer looked nervous when Legolas had looked at him.  
  
I nodded. `Perhaps we should let him rest, love.' I glanced at Frodo, who was still staring at Legolas. "Frodo, if you need to speak with me, I'll be with Legolas," I told the little Hobbit.  
  
"Ok, Aragorn." Frodo now looked worried, as Legolas and I walked away together.  
  
Legolas's hand grabbed mine, which surprised me. He wasn't the one who usually initiated physical contact. But that was too be expected, given what he'd gone through.  
  
I also had something I needed to tell my lover. I stopped walking and took his hands, before looking directly into his eyes.  
  
`What is it, Aragorn?' Legolas questioned, looking slightly nervous.  
  
`Legolas, I received a letter from Faramir. I need to return to Gondor. I would like for you to come with me,' I explained quietly. I saw his emotions suddenly vanish from his face.  
  
`I-I cannot return to Gondor,' Legolas said quickly. `How long will you have to be there?'  
  
I frowned. What wasn't he saying, I wondered. `Legolas, I am the king of Gondor. I must rule over my people, even if my heart wants me to stay here.'  
  
`I cannot go back there, Aragorn,' Legolas told me, his voice devoid of emotion. `And I wonder at you asking me to. It all started in Gondor.'  
  
Now I was confused. I knew that Sarag had attacked Legolas there before selling him into slavery, but Legolas had never really seen Gondor. He hadn't been there for very long before his nightmare began. So why refuse to go?  
  
`Do you love someone else?' I questioned sharply. That was the only reason I could think of that Legolas would not want to go with me.  
  
Legolas glared at me coldly. `I could never love anyone else, Aragorn. I've always loved you and you alone. During those cold, cruel, endless nights, it was you I screamed out for to rescue me. Even when Éomer told me to forget you and let go of the past, I could not. Don't accuse me of not loving you, for I was never unfaithful to you willingly," he hissed.  
  
Those words felt like a dagger in my heart.  
  
`I'm sorry,' I finally said. I reached out a hand to touch his face, and he pulled away. I was stricken. `Legolas, I didn't mean to...'  
  
My lover stormed off silently, heading directly for our room. I heard the door slam and lock behind him. The sound echoed through the  
  
I was going to go after him, but a hand on my shoulder stopped me. I turned and saw that it was Éomer.  
  
"Let him be for a while, Aragorn," the king of Rohan told me. "I would like to speak with you privately."  
  
I sighed again. "Very well, Éomer." I followed him as he led me to a private office. He closed and locked the door behind me, before taking a seat. He then gestured for me to sit as well.  
  
"Aragorn, do you not remember what Legolas told you that happened to him in Gondor?" Éomer questioned.  
  
I flinched. "How could I forget learning that my former best friend raped my lover and then sold him into slavery, where Legolas got raped for years?" I snapped. I then apologized, for it was not Éomer that I was truly angry at. It was his dead brother.  
  
"That was only twenty years ago, Aragorn, and most of the battalion that stood by and watched the entire thing probably still work for you," the King of Rohan said.  
  
I turned pale. I hadn't considered that. It would be like a slap in the face to Legolas to have to see the people who watched him get raped and did nothing to help him.  
  
"God, I never thought of that," I exclaimed softly. "And I'm guessing that Legolas does not know their names?"  
  
Éomer nodded. "I am gravely worried about him, Aragorn. Ever since that day... Legolas has changed. I'm certain he knows what happened to Frodo to frighten him like that."  
  
"I agree," I confessed. "I saw a strange look on Legolas's face as he gazed down at Frodo... He looked so cold and distant."  
  
"It may do him some good to get out of Rohan for a while, Aragorn," Éomer said. "Do your best to convince him to return to Gondor. He cannot hide from the past forever. Legolas must come to terms with it."  
  
I nodded. "But I think we'd better try speaking to Frodo again, without Legolas knowing about it."  
  
A tap on the door drew our attention.  
  
"Who is it?" Éomer asked.  
  
"It's Frodo," a muffled voice said.  
  
I stood, and walked over to unlock the door. Frodo stepped into the room, and I re-locked it. I then took my seat again, and Frodo took another.  
  
He trembled slightly, as he asked a question that startled both myself and Éomer.  
  
"What do you do if you know something is seriously wrong with a friend, but they threatened to do something if you tell anyone?" Frodo asked, a single tear dripping down his face.  
  
"If you believe that they are in danger, Frodo, then you should tell someone," Éomer said.  
  
I voiced my own opinion. "If you are afraid that they might get hurt, you should speak the truth."  
  
Éomer and I both believed that it had something to do with Legolas.  
  
Frodo licked his lips. "Then I guess I'd better tell someone."  
  
I nodded. "Honesty is always the best policy."  
  
Éomer and I both listened as the Hobbit began to speak.  
  
A sudden crashing sound drew my attention. The three of us stood up and ran over to the window.  
  
A lone figure stood down there, with blood running down his face and arms. On the ground next to him lay Legolas, who wasn't moving.  
  
To be continued 


	4. Shadow Of The Past

Note: None of these are my characters! Rated R for self-mutilation, mentioned rape, and violence! This is a song fic, but the song will only be in the story when it is Legolas's POV! Elvish speech is in `'. The song is not my creation! Legolas's POV! Um, language warning! Only Jerome is mine!  
  
Shadow Of The Past  
  
Part 3  
  
*****************************  
  
Still I do it in the name of love  
Only going through the motions  
Every time you reach for me  
I just do it in the name of love  
******************************  
  
I lay on the ground, unable to move. How the hell had I gotten myself into this fix, I wondered, as I finally woke up. Some jerk had attacked me from behind, before I'd even known what was happening.  
  
The figure above me looked down and smirked. Oh god, it was him again... I would never forget his face.  
  
And I could do nothing, once more. God, I was so pitiful.  
  
I'd snuck out of the window of the room that Aragorn and I shared so that I could get some time alone. Yeah, I'd sure found that, I bitterly thought. Right before he'd had to come along and knock me out with some kind of drug. But I saw with a little satisfaction that he had numerous cuts on his arms from my sword. I'd given him hell before he'd overpowered me.  
  
The whip line around my neck grew tighter, and it was all I could do to keep from passing out as it constricted my breathing. My vision was going blurry.  
  
"I knew I'd find you again, Rogue," the dark figure above me said.  
  
"Go to hell," I snapped weakly.  
  
In response, he kicked me directly in the face. "That's no way to greet me, Rogue."  
  
I glared up at him silently, with blood streaming down my face. "Why are you even here, Jerome?"  
  
Jerome turned a cruel look on me. "Simple. I've been hired to bring you in for a bounty. The famous Rogue is worth quite a lot of money in certain places...'  
  
I turned cold at those words. "You'd have to kill me first," I hissed.  
  
"Legolas!" Aragorn shouted from above.  
  
I could feel my grip on consciousness slipping slightly. I didn't look up, however, as I stealthily used the last of my energy to grab a hidden dagger.  
  
Éomer, Aragorn, and Frodo came running onto the courtyard where I lay.  
  
I ignored them as I flung the dagger directly in Jerome's shoulder. It cut deep and true, and blood spurted out.  
  
Jerome snarled down at me. "I'll be back, Rogue. No matter where you go, I will find you." He ran off, leaving me behind for now.  
  
And I'll be ready, I vowed silently. That was the last time I was going to get so unfocused that I did not keep track of my surroundings and any potential threats.  
  
`Are you all right, Legolas?' Éomer questioned in Elvish.  
  
I nodded. `I'm fine,' I said. Just angry that I nearly got myself kidnapped, I thought sarcastically.  
  
Aragorn touched my shoulder carefully. `You ok?' he quietly asked.  
  
I didn't mind it so much when he asked, for he no longer made as big a deal out of it as Éomer did when I was hurt.  
  
`I'm all right, Aragorn,' I told him firmly, as I tried to stand. `Just a little drugged and angry,' I muttered, as I tried to focus on what I was saying. I couldn't afford to slip up.  
  
"Who was that?" Frodo asked.  
  
"A shadow of the past, Frodo," I said. My green eyes turned icy. Oh, yes, I definitely remembered Jerome.  
  
****************  
  
Flashback  
  
****************  
  
It was about six months after I'd left Éomer's castle for the first time. It had been raining again, but I hadn't really cared as I reserved a room at the inn.  
  
I was in a small town, and wore a hood over my ears because elves were very rare visitors.  
  
It was when I was heading back towards the inn that I heard the pleading screams. They sounded so much like the ones that I'd once made, so I followed them.  
  
Jerome had been in an alley, with three of his friends. They were holding down a young girl, who was crying for them to let her go.  
  
In that instant, I drew my sword and challenged them to fight a worthy opponent. Her pain reminded me too much of my own. I hadn't been able to save myself, but I could save her from the same fate.  
  
They never expected me to beat them. The friends were easy enough to defeat, but Jerome was a different story.  
  
He was incredibly fast for a human, and skilled with a sword. He was my equal in speed and strength. Even I had not been certain of the outcome.  
  
In the end, I had finally won, and Jerome had been stunned.  
  
"May I know the name of the first man who beat me?" he questioned.  
  
My hard green eyes bore into his. "Rogue is my name. And if you value your life, you will depart this place and never return, for I am the defender of those who are defenseless. Tell your friends that."  
  
Jerome had run off, leaving behind the grateful girl. I escorted her home and refused to take a reward.  
  
I had already gained something that I had needed; a purpose.  
  
So I had become a champion of the underdog and my name became well known and feared.  
  
I had fought for worthy causes only, however.  
  
******************************************************************  
  
********************  
  
Present Day  
  
********************  
  
Jerome and I had met occasionally, but I had not seen him since three years ago, since he'd tried to lead me into a trap. It had failed, of course.  
  
I'd been foolish then, and had believed that I could make a difference.  
  
`Legolas?' Aragorn whispered, drawing my attention back to the present. I wondered that I had somehow gotten into his arms. I turned to face him weakly, making my eyes go normal.  
  
***************************************  
  
Used to think that I could make a difference  
I was so naive  
Once your loving used to drive me crazy  
Now I just make believe  
  
***************************************  
  
I smiled at him, and let some of my emotions show, for I had to maintain my facade. `I'm just a little tired, Aragorn,' I murmured in his ears. I leaned against him, and despised myself for showing weakness.  
  
`Then you should rest, love,' Aragorn said, concern in his eyes.  
  
`Tis probably the drug,' I muttered. Indeed, I was suddenly very sleepy. I could barely keep my eyes open. I reluctantly left my lover's warm embrace, hiding the strange weakness that was quickly coming over me. `I'm going back to our room...'  
  
I turned and walked away, but I hadn't taken more than three steps when I had to stop. I pressed my hand against my forehead, as the world spun around me. I felt very strange suddenly.  
  
`Legolas?' Éomer's voice sounded liked it was coming from far away.  
  
I couldn't answer as I stood there, motionless. I couldn't move or speak at all.  
  
I heard Aragorn's voice say my name more sharply, before everything went black.  
  
To be continued 


	5. Confessions

Note: None of these are my characters! Rated R for self-mutilation and violence! This is a song fic, but the song will only be in the story when it is in Legolas's POV! Elvish speech is in `'. The song is not my creation! Language warning! Only Jerome is mine! Aragorn's POV! Sorry for the Gandalf typo! I was very distracted when I was finishing this fic.  
  
Here's a question for you, reviewers. I've had a request to write a fic about what Legolas did as Rogue for the five years before he met Aragorn again. Does anyone want to know how Éomer returned Legolas to the world of the living after rescuing him? Would anyone be interested in reading about it? Tell me in your reviews!  
  
Confessions  
  
Part 4  
  
I caught Legolas as he suddenly fell over. I lowered my lover to the ground and touched his face. He was unconscious, but alive.  
  
That relieved me, as I listened to the ragged breathing of my Elven lover.  
  
"What's wrong with him?" Frodo asked, looking worried.  
  
"He was drugged, Frodo," Éomer reminded the Hobbit. "Legolas just needs some time to rest, and then he'll be all right."  
  
I lifted Legolas into my arms carefully, with his head resting against my shoulder.  
  
"Don't worry, Frodo. Legolas will be fine," I said.  
  
Frodo nodded slowly. "What now?"  
  
I sighed. "Legolas needs to go back to bed and sleep off the drug."  
  
Legolas muttered something in Elvish in his sleep that sounded a lot like; `Don't treat me like a child.'  
  
I was amused at his words. `I'm not, dear one. But how are you talking if you are asleep?'  
  
`Aragorn...' Legolas sounded faintly annoyed, as he blinked his eyes. `I was not asleep. I just... stood too quickly.'  
  
`Don't lie,' I said, a hint of anger in my voice. `We all saw you faint.'  
  
Legolas shot a glare at me, as he attempted to get out of my arms. `Elves never faint. Especially me.'  
  
I set him on the ground when he persisted in his struggles. Legolas went white as soon as he touched the ground and took a step.  
  
I counted to three silently, and my Elven lover fainted again.  
  
And of course, I had been ready to catch him.  
  
"Stubborn as ever," Éomer murmured. "That is his greatest weakness. He fears showing weakness."  
  
Frodo shot a look at the two of us. "Doesn't he need an herb or something to counter the drug?"  
  
I shook my head. "His healing ability will take care of it, Frodo."  
  
Frodo bit his lower lip. I could see an internal conflict in his eyes, before he nodded slowly. "I guess." The Hobbit seemed a little doubtful, but said nothing.  
  
I looked at Éomer. "I shall take Legolas back to our room," I said quietly.  
  
"All right. I shall be waiting for you." Éomer walked away, followed by Frodo.  
  
Again I had the nagging sensation that something was wrong, as I saw the Hobbit glance back and look at Legolas. Frodo saw me look at him, puzzled, and he quickly ran after the king of Rohan.  
  
I carried Legolas in the opposite direction, and up the stairs.  
  
My thoughts were not focused on the limp elf in my arms, but more on what was troubling him so. I didn't understand it.  
  
Legolas was like the wind now; blowing hot and cold. There were moments when I saw his green eyes become like ice. And that was when he was severely angry. But Legolas was also still in love with me, I knew, for he had only turned that look on me once. He hid so much inside, and I was deeply afraid that one day he would die from the strain he put on himself to be perfect. To not need anyone.  
  
But I knew that Legolas needed me; he cried out for me in his sleep occasionally. Of course, the elf always denied it. But he'd clung to me more than once after a nightmare, and I'd awoken each time to find tear streaks on his face. Once again, he denied it.  
  
Must he always demand perfection from himself?  
  
I wanted Legolas as he was, faults and all. I loved him as he was. Cold and warm. Gentle and fierce. And stubborn. That was what he was now. But he intrigued me more now than he had in the past. He was darker and more mysterious, which piqued my interest. Don't get me wrong, I still loved him throughout everything.  
  
Legolas had warned me that he had changed, and until recently, I hadn't understood what he'd meant. But it was much more obvious now. His obsession with perfection was one thing. But I knew another secret he kept hidden. Legolas loathed himself for not being able to save himself. He'd failed twice already, and nearly a third time.  
  
I shook my head, as I reached our room. I slipped one of my hands free, and tried to open it. The door was still locked. I cursed softly in Elvish.  
  
"What is it, Aragorn?" Gimli questioned, as he approached me. Some of the former Fellowship had returned home already, but Gimli and Frodo had stayed, to make certain that Legolas was truly all right.  
  
"The door is locked," I told him, as I shifted Legolas in my arms.  
  
A soft sigh escaped from my lover's lips. `Went out the window,' he mumbled sleepily.  
  
I chuckled. `Sneaky one, aren't you?'  
  
`Mmm-hmm,' he agreed.  
  
Gimli smirked. "A locked door is easy to open, at least for a dwarf." He took out a small dagger and began picking the lock. The door was opened in a matter of moments.  
  
"Thank you, Gimli." I took Legolas into the room and laid him down on our bed. The dwarf followed me inside.  
  
"What happened to Legolas?" he inquired.  
  
I sighed. "He was attacked and drugged by an unknown assailant who ran off."  
  
Gimli nodded slowly. "Does Legolas know who the attacker was?"  
  
"I think so, but I'm not sure." I shrugged a little. "He passed out before he could say much of anything."  
  
"I see." Gimli peered down at Legolas, who was sound asleep again.  
  
I covered my lover with a blanket, and turned to leave.  
  
"Where are you going?" the dwarf asked.  
  
"Éomer's waiting for me," I told him.  
  
Gimli nodded again, and followed me out of the room. I closed the door behind us, and made my way back into Éomer's office.  
  
The king of Rohan and Frodo were already inside, waiting for me. They looked at me silently.  
  
"He's still sleeping," I told them, as I entered the room and shut the door.  
  
Frodo nodded slowly. He looked like he was about to reveal forbidden information.  
  
"What do you wish to tell us, Frodo?" Éomer questioned.  
  
"It's... It's about Legolas," Frodo said quietly. "There is something you should know."  
  
I heard the pain in his voice, and I looked at him sharply. Éomer did the same.  
  
The Hobbit jumped out of his chair, obviously agitated. He paced for a few moments in front of us. Frodo then turned his gaze back to us and began to speak.  
  
To be continued 


	6. Death Or Life

Note: None of these are my characters! Rated R for self-mutilation and violence! This is a song fic, but the song will only be in the story when it is in Legolas's POV! Elvish speech is in `'. The song is not my creation! Language warning! Suicide warning! Only Jerome is mine! Legolas's POV! (Don't worry, he's not dead!)  
  
I'll start writing the other fic and have at least the prologue and first chapter up by Monday! Be prepared for major violence and angst in that fic!  
  
Death Or Life  
  
Part 5  
  
I awoke slowly and realized where I was.  
  
In the room I shared with Aragorn, the one I loved.  
  
But I suddenly felt empty inside, as I sat up and realized that I must have passed out again.  
  
God, how much more would I be humiliated?  
  
Anger and self-hatred soured through me, as I stood, forcing myself to walk over to my secret drawer.  
  
A click sounded, as I drew the dagger and looked at it, testing its sharpness. It was as sharp as ever.  
  
Why did I even bother living anymore?  
  
What was there left for me, beneath all the pain and memories, that I couldn't get to go away.  
  
Against my will, I carried the dagger back to my bed, and sat down once more.  
  
Death or life? Which should I choose?  
  
I sat on the edge of a very sharp blade right now. It was all up to me.  
  
Did I want to die?  
  
Did I want to live?  
  
I honestly didn't know. And that was what frightened me so much right now.  
  
Because I didn't care, either way.  
  
I ripped the sleeves off of my shirt angrily, and looked at what I'd done to myself.  
  
Scars upon scars on my forearms. They had not healed.  
  
What should I do? Did I even deserve to live?  
  
Life or death?  
  
For most people, that would be an easy decision.  
  
Live, of course, they would say.  
  
But I was not most people.  
  
I pressed the dagger against the veins in my right wrist, but did not cut myself.  
  
Aragorn, what should I do, I pleaded. Should I end it all and pray I find peace?  
  
************************************  
  
Heaven is a state of mind  
Hell is nothing more than pain  
Indecision keeps me here  
Try and pass the blame  
This is how our life is lived  
This is how our life was lost  
All that's left is just to pay the cost  
  
**********************************  
  
I was uncertain, as I nicked the skin on my wrist. A tiny bit of blood seeped out.  
  
Did I want to leave this world?  
  
Did I want to leave Aragorn?  
  
No... For I still loved him. But I didn't know what to do.  
  
Somebody tell me what I should do!  
  
I'd hurt Frodo and everyone else.  
  
Especially Aragorn.  
  
Why didn't I stop hurting the one I loved?  
  
I trembled as I sat on the bed.  
  
***************************  
  
So I do it in the name of love  
This is how our life is lost  
Every time you reach for me  
I just pay the cost  
  
***************************  
  
I no longer knew what kept me living.  
  
****************************  
  
Oh, lately I could be a ghost  
Drifting up and down these halls  
I used to know what kept me here  
Now I, I don't recall  
*****************************  
  
I made my decision then, or so I thought.  
  
I slashed both of my wrists, and kept the dagger pressed in the one that didn't bleed as well as the other. Blood spurted onto the floor as I merely sat there.  
  
I was starting to feel dizzy and lightheaded when I heard it.  
  
In the distance, I heard a furious yell, followed by the sounds of someone running towards the room I sat in, contemplating whether to die or get help.  
  
I was stuck between two desires: my love for Aragorn *and* my desire to get rid of the pain.  
  
Why shouldn't I die?  
  
Because I didn't want to, I suddenly realized. But it was too late. I was dying.  
  
The door burst open suddenly.  
  
It was him.  
  
His dark eyes saw what I had done as I looked at him, unable to speak. The dagger was still cutting into my wrist. Blood was flooding over it.  
  
In one swift movement, he grabbed the dagger away from me, letting the blade cut deeply into his own palms. His blood mingled with my own.  
  
I saw the blood dripping onto the dagger and tried to take it back from him.  
  
`Damn it, Legolas. How could you hurt yourself like this?' he asked me incredulously, flinging the dagger across the room, where it smashed into the glass mirror.  
  
I could say nothing, as he took my face into his hands. Blood gushed out of his hands, as well as my veins.  
  
Red blood was on my cheeks from his hands as he cupped my face.  
  
`I love you,' Aragorn whispered.  
  
I opened my mouth slowly, as if in a daze. `I know.'  
  
Then I passed out.  
  
I didn't see his arms come out to catch me, as my life seeped out of my veins.  
  
Nor did I hear him yell for help, as he tore his shirt apart and tied off the bleeding.  
  
For I was somewhere between death and life.  
  
******************************  
  
So I do it in the name of love  
Only going through the motions  
  
******************************  
  
To be continued 


	7. Coming To Terms

Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for self-mutilation, mentioned rape, and violence! This will no longer be a song fic! Elvish speech is in `'. Language warning! Aragorn's POV  
  
Coming To Terms  
  
Part 6  
  
God knows what I expected to find when I burst into the room, but I hadn't expected this.  
  
It was only seconds after Frodo had confessed what he'd seen... And what Legolas had threatened to do if the Hobbit told me.  
  
I stared in disbelief at the sight I saw.  
  
My lover sat on the bed, with blood pouring out of his wrists. The dagger he held was cutting ever deeper into a vein. He looked at me, and said nothing. His face was a ghastly white as he sat there, gazing at me. Torment was in his eyes, as well as sadness.  
  
I ran over and grabbed it away, not caring when the blade cut deeply into my palms. A few tears appeared in my eyes from the pain. Legolas tried to grab the dagger back, but instead I flung it away.  
  
I couldn't believe he'd done this to himself.  
  
I demanded an answer from him in Elvish. `Damn it, Legolas. How could you hurt yourself like this?'  
  
Still, he said nothing. It was if Legolas was in shock.  
  
I took his face in my bleeding hands, not caring about the mess the blood flowing from my hands was making.  
  
`I love you,' I whispered, shaking. Then he said something that really confused me, after he stood.  
  
Legolas whispered back, `I know.' He then passed out from the blood loss.  
  
"Somebody help!" I yelled, as I caught him and lowered my dying lover to the floor. Ignoring my own pain, I tore apart my shirt and tied off his bleeding wrists.  
  
I shouted again, as I applied pressure to the gushing blood. I was not going to lose him again!  
  
Éomer ran into the room, and sank to his knees. "Not again," he whispered. "Quickly, Aragorn. We must get him to the Healers." He stood and gestured for me to carry Legolas.  
  
I looked at my split palms, and did not hesitate as I scooped up Legolas's pale body and followed Éomer. I had no time to reflect on his words as we ran into the Healers' room and let them go to work. The king of Rohan and I stood back and watched as they called for herbs to ease the blood flow and numerous bandages.  
  
Please, I silently pleaded, with a few tears running down my face. Don't die...  
  
Éomer turned to look at me and went white when he saw the blood running from my own hands. "Téo, the king of Gondor needs assistance as well."  
  
The oldest male Healer came over and led me away from where Legolas was being worked on.  
  
Téo sat me down, and I didn't pay attention as he cleaned, treated, and bandaged the deep cuts on my hands. I was watching my lover then entire time.  
  
"Thank you," I said absentmindedly, for my attention was focused on only one place.  
  
The white face of the one I loved.  
  
The Healers finished bandaging him, and conferred with each other. They'd forced a potion down him and whispered for a few moments.  
  
I stood and walked over to Éomer. "How the hell could I have missed this?" I asked hoarsely. "I had no idea..."  
  
"Do not blame yourself, Aragorn. I should have seen this coming," Éomer confessed. "I knew he was capable of this. He tried it a few times when I first brought him here after rescuing him. Blame me if you will." He sounded sad and stricken.  
  
I turned to look at him sharply. "You love him, don't you?" I questioned.  
  
To my shock, Éomer shook his head.  
  
"Not in the way you do, Aragorn. I am a brother to him, for I went through the same thing myself. Unlike Legolas, however, it did not go on for over ten years. I was rescued then and I did the same for Legolas. He and are brothers in pain. I understand him, for I can empathize. I know what it is to loathe oneself for not being strong enough to save yourself."  
  
I was aghast. "You were..."  
  
"Yes, son of Arathorn. I was once raped and left to die. But I was found by the very man who just bandaged your wrists," Éomer told me softly. "Téo saved my life."  
  
I gasped softly. I had never known. Éomer seemed strong and invulnerable to anything. It was hard to imagine something like that happening to him.  
  
"So you knew how to help Legolas?" I whispered.  
  
He nodded. "Only Legolas and Téo ever knew what happened to me. But I would appreciate it if you said nothing to anyone else."  
  
"I swear I will not," I vowed.  
  
"Sire?" one of the Healers said.  
  
Both Éomer and I turned to look at them.  
  
Inside, I was prepared for the worst.  
  
"How is he?" I asked, struggling to hold back my tears.  
  
"He's very weak from blood loss, but he will be all right. You brought him here just in time," they said quietly.  
  
Relief soared through me. I sighed, breathing much easier now.  
  
"When will he wake up?" Éomer questioned.  
  
"Very soon. But he needs to rest and regain his strength. We also bandaged and treated the other... wounds as well." The Healers turned and left us alone.  
  
Éomer and I faced each other once more.  
  
"I shall leave you alone with him, Aragorn. Please do not confront him until we are certain that he is strong enough to withstand a long argument," the king of Rohan said.  
  
I nodded in silent agreement. "I will sit beside him and nothing more."  
  
A gentle smile crossed Éomer's face. He squeezed my shoulder, before leaving the room.  
  
I hesitated for a few moments, and then walked over to the flat bed that the one I loved lay on.  
  
I sat in the chair beside the bed where Legolas now slept. His skin was pale, and they had removed his shirt.  
  
For the first time, I saw the scars on his forearms. And I was heartbroken as I sat beside him, waiting for him to awaken once more. Thoughts and feelings rushed through me as I looked at my lover.  
  
How could you do this to yourself, Legolas?  
  
Why didn't you tell me how you were feeling?  
  
I would have helped you... I can't help you if you don't tell me the truth. God, why didn't I see the signs sooner...  
  
And how could you do this to me?  
  
I love you. I always will, no matter what. And I will help you get through this. We'll face it together, as always.  
  
For you are my heart and soul, the only one that I love.  
  
To be continued 


	8. Regret

Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for violence! This is no longer be a song fic! Elvish speech is in ``. Language warning! Legolas's POV! I also corrected a few typos in here from the last chapter.  
  
Regret  
  
Part 7  
  
I wasn't aware of what was going on around me, as I hovered in a haze of colors.  
  
I could feel people touching my arms and wrists, bandaging them and applying herbs.  
  
But I could not speak or move.  
  
I heard Aragorn speaking, as if it were a faint dream.  
  
"How the hell could I have missed this?"  
  
No, Aragorn, I pleaded silently. Don't blame yourself.  
  
It was me. I did this. Nobody knew, not even Éomer.  
  
His voice continued, sad and broken. "I had no idea..."  
  
I longed to comfort him, but I could say nothing. It was if I were just an observer, as I listened to my lover's pain.  
  
Éomer began to speak as well. "Do not blame yourself, Aragorn. I should have seen this coming. I knew he was capable of this. He tried it a few times when I first brought him here after rescuing him. Blame me if you will."  
  
Oh god... They both blamed themselves.  
  
My `brother' and my lover believed this was their fault.  
  
I struggled to wake up, but still I could not. I could see nothing around me, so I was forced to hear them speaking.  
  
"You love him, don't you?" Aragorn asked.  
  
I was startled to hear that question, and I waited for an answer.  
  
"Not in the way you do, Aragorn. I am a brother to him, for I went through the same thing myself. Unlike Legolas, however, it did not go on for over ten years. I was rescued then and I did the same for Legolas. He and I are brothers in pain. I understand him, for I can empathize. I know what it is to loathe oneself for not being strong enough to save yourself," Éomer said.  
  
"You were..." Aragorn sounded shocked.  
  
I was not, however. Éomer had told me his story long ago, when I had demanded to know how he could possibly understand what I had gone through.  
  
Unlike me, however, Éomer had emerged stronger and wiser. He had learned from it, and had accepted it as a life lesson.  
"Yes, son of Arathorn. I was once raped and left to die. But I was found by the very man who just bandaged your hands," Éomer told him softly. "Téo saved my life."  
Aragorn gasped softly.  
  
I was pretty sure of what my lover was thinking, for Éomer seemed strong and invulnerable to anything. It was hard to imagine something like that happening to him.  
"So you knew how to help Legolas?" Aragorn whispered.  
Éomer said quietly, "Only Legolas and Téo ever knew what happened to me. But I would appreciate it if you said nothing to anyone else."  
"I swear I will not," Aragorn vowed.  
"Sire?" one of the Healers questioned.  
  
I was wondering what they were going to say. I was not certain if I was alive or dead.  
  
The Healers had been speaking together, while I had been listening to Éomer and Aragorn.  
"How is he?" Aragorn asked.  
  
It nearly broke my heart, for he sounded like he was about to cry.  
"He's very weak from blood loss, but he will be all right. You brought him here just in time," they said quietly.  
  
I was not sure of how I felt about still being alive. This wasn't the first time I'd tried to commit suicide and failed.  
"When will he wake up?" Éomer questioned.  
"Very soon. But he needs to rest and regain his strength. We also bandaged and treated the other... wounds as well."  
  
Great, I thought. They all think I'm crazy now. I knew that they were referring to the scars on my arms that I'd deliberately inflicted.  
"I shall leave you alone with him, Aragorn. Please do not confront him until we are certain that he is strong enough to withstand a long argument," Éomer said.  
Aragorn answered, "I will sit beside him and do nothing more."  
  
I tensed slightly as I faintly heard a chair scraping the floor next to the bed.  
  
I knew I'd ruined every beautiful thing that had ever been between myself and the one I loved.  
  
My lover would never forgive me, of that I was certain. And the thought devastated me. It hurt much worse than remembering the pain in his eyes before I'd fainted.  
  
I'd violated his trust in me, our love, and everything we'd held so dear.  
  
I'd lied numerous times and threatened a friend, who had, in a sense, saved my life.  
  
How could he possibly trust me again?  
  
How could Aragorn love me anymore?  
  
I did not love myself. There was only one person I loved, and that was Aragorn.  
  
Though he probably would not believe me. Who would?  
  
I'd nearly killed myself.  
  
Even if I had truly not wanted to die.  
  
To be continued 


	9. Acceptance

Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for violence and deals with a suicide attempt. Elvish speech is in ''. Language warning! This chapter is also in Legolas's POV!

Acceptance

Part 9

When I finally was able to regain control of my weak body, I looked around and saw Aragorn sitting in the chair beside me. I flinched a little when I got a good look at him.

He had a grim look on his face, with his arms crossed, as he sat there. His eyes were closed, and he appeared to be sleeping.

I sat up slowly and saw the bandages on his hands, from where he'd taken the dagger from me. I weakly moved myself down to the floor, where I took his wrapped hands in mine.

I gently kissed both, feeling a single tear on my face, as I pressed my lips against the cloth bandages. He'd gotten hurt because of me.

A voice broke into my thoughts.

'Do you seek to submit yourself?' Aragorn quietly asked in Elvish, as he opened his eyes and saw me kneeling on the ground.

I felt unworthy to look at him, as I released his hands. 'I don't know,' I replied. I didn't know what to say to the one I loved.

His face was still pale, as he motioned for me to return to the bed. 'Éomer would be most unhappy to see you kneeling on the cold floor, Legolas.'

I returned to the bed silently. 'Everyone knows, don't they?'

Aragorn nodded. 'I am certain they do.'

I let out a suffering sigh.

What do you say to your lover after he saves your life when you try to kill yourself?

'Frodo told you, didn't he?' I questioned.

'Yes, he did.' Aragorn's voice was neutral, and I was not sure if he was angry or not.

I looked away. 'I need to apologize to him. I should never have…'

'No, you shouldn't have. Frodo was very worried about you,' Aragorn told me.

I flinched again. My lover sounded so disapproving. I was sure that he would never forgive me.

'Where you?' I blurted out without thinking.

'Was I what?' Aragorn inquired.

I met his gaze. 'Where you worried about me?'

Aragorn snapped, 'Of course I was worried! How do you think I felt when I saw you?'

I immediately stiffened and turned away from him. 'Why are you even here, Aragorn? Go find someone who isn't as messed up as I am!'

Aragorn reached out and took my shoulders in his hand. He turned me back towards him, wincing as he did so. Fresh blood appeared on his bandages, but he did not relinquish the grip.

'I don't love 'someone', Legolas. I love you.' His voice was softer now.

'How can you when I don't even love myself?' I flung at him.

That had surprised the one I loved. But I was not prepared for his reaction.

Aragorn forced me to look into the mirror that hung on the wall beside the bed.

'What do you see when you look in the mirror?' he asked.

'Myself,' I snapped. 'A weak, pathetic elf who can't even save himself. And who keeps failing at suicide and hurting those around him.'

Aragorn frowned at me. 'You must not see what I see when I look at you. I see the one I love, who has been through more hardships in his life than anyone should go through. But he managed to control his pain to live again.'

'Your mirror must be broken,' I muttered, before Aragorn continued, his grip harder than ever.

'His greatest weakness was his breaking point, for the one I love does not seek help he needs it. But I do not fault him for it. I merely accept it, for I love him, despite everything. Just as he once told me that in spite of the pain he believed that I'd caused him, he still loved me,' Aragorn said firmly. 'And I will not let him fight this battle alone.'

'Aragorn…' I whispered, shaken slightly.

God, he still loved me after I'd tried to kill myself.

Aragorn kissed me softly, and I felt his warmth and love. My lips melted against his, as did my pain.

I'd been so afraid of losing him, I thought, as I gazed into his eyes.

Compassion, sorrow, and love shone in them, as he looked at me.

He pulled back slightly. 'I will stand by you always, Legolas.'

'I'm sorry, Aragorn. I'm sorry I was so stupid,' I whispered as I looked up at him. 'I didn't know to do anymore. I grew a little more distant every day. I didn't want to, but I couldn't stop it.'

Aragorn sighed quietly. 'I just wish I had known, so I could have tried to help you.'

'I wouldn't have let you help me,' I said honestly. 'I didn't want anyone to know, but now everyone does.'

Aragorn removed his hands from my shoulders and winced slightly. I took his hands in mine again and pressed another kiss on each.

'And you are hurt now because of me,' I murmured softly.

Aragorn looked at me seriously. 'Did you truly want to die, Legolas?' he questioned.

I bit my lower lip as I thought about what I had been thinking before I'd slit my wrists. I slowly shook my head.

'No,' I finally admitted.

'Then why did you cut yourself?' he asked hoarsely.

'I'd already done so when I realized that…' I confessed. 'And I couldn't think straight any longer. The pain was too much for me.'

'Couldn't you have asked for help for once, Legolas? Couldn't you have come to me?' Hurt was in his eyes.

I bowed my head.

'I should have,' I told him softly. 'But I did not want to hurt you. You were the reason I held back so long.'

Aragorn took me in his strong arms, as if he were trying to protect me. I gazed directly into his eyes.

'I truly did not want to die. But I do not know how to live anymore,' I whispered.

To be continued


	10. Love And Friendship

Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for violence and deals with a suicide attempt. Elvish speech is in ''. Language warning! Aragorn's POV.

Love And Friendship

Part 10

I'd closed my eyes to think, when I'd felt someone take my bandaged hands into theirs and kiss them softly.

I held Legolas, as he sat on the bed silently. I could see that he did not know what to say to me.

Hell, I didn't know to say to him. He'd been surprised when I'd reminded him of when he had continued to love me, even with all the pain that he'd believed I had given him.

I couldn't believe how angry he was. Legolas seemed to hate himself. He felt weak and helpless, for he had not been able to save himself. There had been times in my life when I had been saved by others, but I had not been through what Legolas had.

I wasn't sure what I would do if I had gone through the same thing that Legolas had lived through.

He was stronger than he gave himself credit for. It had taken a long time for them to break him.

I wished that I could have been there… and done something, anything.

Legolas leaned against me slightly.

I remembered his words.

'I truly did not want to die. But I do not know how to live anymore,' he whispered.

I looked into the eyes of the one that I loved. I would do anything to make him happier.

'Then I will show you how to live, Legolas,' I told him. 'We will go to Gondor for a while, and then we will leave again.'

Shock reflected in Legolas's eyes. 'You have been away from Gondor for months, Aragorn. And I do not know if I can face them again.'

I smiled at him. 'You are stronger than you believe, Legolas. I believe in you.'

'And I believe in you as well,' Éomer said, as he stood in the doorway. He walked inside and walked over to the two of us. He gently touched Legolas on the shoulder.

Legolas said nothing, but I could see that his eyes were troubled.

I had a pretty good idea of what he was thinking; someone has to save me again.

"You are a friend, Legolas," Éomer said quietly. "I do not feel pity for you, but I do understand."

Legolas nodded slowly.

"Elf?" Gimli questioned slowly, as he entered the room. He walked over and stood next to Éomer.

Frodo followed Gimli silently, as he stood there.

'I'm sorry, Frodo,' Legolas whispered, as he closed his eyes. 'I should have said such a thing to you, of all people.'

'I'm sorry I broke my word,' Frodo said slowly. 'But I was worried about you.'

Legolas's mouth dropped open. 'Do not be sorry, Frodo. For if you had not told Aragorn and Éomer what I had done, I would probably be dead now.'

Frodo paled at that thought. 'That would be horrible!' he cried. 'Don't say such things, Legolas.'

Gimli understood some of what Legolas had been saying. He had learned it from me, partly so that he could surprise my lover when he returned. Only, Gimli had never gotten the chance to show Legolas.

Legolas's right hand started picking at the bandages on his left wrist, until Éomer admonished him not to.

Legolas sighed. "I failed all of you; I let you down. I couldn't handle it anymore." He sounded weary and depressed.

Everyone in the room stared at him in shock.

"You didn't let us down, Legolas," Frodo said.

Gimli grumbled, "We let you down. Friends should notice when something is wrong. And we failed to notice."

I still held Legolas in a warm embrace. I let go with one hand and tilted his face up towards mine. "I should have noticed, yet I did not."

"Do not blame yourself, Legolas, for even I did not see that you were slipping again. If you must blame someone, blame me most of all," Éomer told him.

"I can't blame you," Legolas whispered. "Any of you. I didn't want anyone to know."

I made him look at me again. "We should have seen it anyway, my love."

Legolas looked downcast, as he fussed with his sleeves.

"What's wrong?" Frodo questioned.

Legolas pulled up his sleeves carefully, and looked at the bandages on his forearms. 

"They're so… ugly." His voice was strangely sad and curious. 

I squeezed him as much as I could without hurting my palms again.

Éomer said, "Beauty fades, Legolas."

I nodded. "But friendship is forever."

"As is love," Frodo said quietly.

Gimli said in Elvish, 'We're all here for you, elf. You can't get rid of us that easily.'

Legolas shot him a bewildered look. 'When did you learn to speak Elvish?'

To be continued


	11. Return Of The Past

Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for violence and deals with the aftermath of a suicide attempt, mentioned rape! Elvish speech is in ''. Language warning! Legolas's POV. Takes place a few hours later.

Return Of The Past

Part 11

I lay on the bed, with a sword directly at my throat. I said nothing, as I neutrally looked at the one who had his sword pricking me.

My thoughts were on what had happened a few hours ago.

The one who held me prisoner smirked down at me.

*************

Flashback

*************

I gaped at Gimli. 'When did you learn to speak Elvish?'

Gimli grinned a little, before it faded. 'I wanted to surprise you when you returned, Elf. Aragorn taught me while you were gone. And he was not an easy instructor.'

Aragorn smirked. 'You weren't the best student, either, Gimli. It took you five years to learn Elvish decently so you could speak without stumbling over the words.'

I was astonished. 'Why didn't you tell me sooner?' I questioned. 'If you wanted to surprise me, I mean.'

'Well… First, I wasn't sure how to bring it up, and then after the whole thing with…' Gimli's voice trailed off.

Coldness crept into me at his words, a numbing cold which shut off my emotions. Inside, I was shivering, unable to escape from the numbness. It was my reality, and for a few moments, I could not speak or move, consumed by cold, black darkness. It was my reality… my prison, from which I could not escape.

I wondered desperately, is this darkness inside of me? I wish I were stronger. Like Aragorn or Éomer, or any of my other friends. I felt that they would have fared much better than I if they were faced with this numbing emptiness. My breathing grew shallow as I sank into the darkness, seeing no light or warmth anywhere. It was so cold… 

Was this my soul now? Was this what remained of my Elven light? This darkness… cold, and empty.

Aragorn must have sensed that something was not right. 'Legolas,  what's wrong?' he asked, as he brought his hands up to my face.

I heard his voice calling me, as if it were from far away. 'A-Aragorn?' I whispered. I was shaking, struggling to return.

'Legolas?' Éomer questioned.

'I'm… s-so c-cold,' I said, breathing rapidly. Violent shivers were traveling down me now.

Gimli whispered, 'Is he all right?'

Frodo gasped. 'Come back, Legolas!'

I was so cold that I could barely speak. 'C-can't fight it…'

Aragorn shook me, after placing his hands on my shoulders. 'Legolas!' he said sharply. My vision was starting to blur, as I suddenly felt soft, warm lips on mine. Hands, warm hands, touched my arms. A spark of light appeared inside me, responding to the warmth.

I blinked weakly and my vision returned to normal. I leaned against Aragorn, shivering even now.

'Why are you so cold?' he whispered, as he touched my bare skin.  His arms pulled me closer.

I said nothing, as I clung to his warmth. My Elven soul was fading… that must be it, I realized. That was the only explanation I could come up with. 'It's inside of me, Aragorn,' I whispered.

'What is?' my lover questioned, holding me tightly against him.

'The darkness… the darkness,' I repeated. 'I don't if I can resist anymore.'

Aragorn frowned. 'You cannot give up now, Legolas. I won't let you.'

'I'm not strong enough, like Éomer or you.' I was rambling, for losing my Elven soul scared me. I did not know how to regain it, and that was my greatest fear. 'I'll never be able to beat it. It'll consume me and…'

A hand slapped me across the face. I gasped and touched my stinging cheek, before turning hurt eyes on the one who had slapped me.

'That's enough of that kind of talk, Legolas,' Aragorn said. 'We'll fight it together- all of us. You are one of the strongest people I know.'

I gazed at him in shock.

'Brutal, but it worked,' Éomer said quietly.

Frodo frowned at Aragorn. 'Did you have to hit him so hard?'

'Tis all right, Frodo,' I murmured. 'I needed that.' I sighed and yawned.

Gimli grumbled, 'Don't scare me like that again, elf.'

Éomer turned to look at me, his expression sorrowful but stern. 'You know what I am going to say, Legolas, so give them to me. Until you have proven once more that you will refrain from hurting yourself, they will be beyond your reach.'

Everyone else looked confused. It was obvious that they did not understand. But I knew all too well. I'd nearly killed myself with my own weapons a few times, not counting this particular point in time.

I lowered my gaze, and removed my sword-belt and daggers.

Éomer took them quietly. 'Your bow and quiver, as well.'

I was troubled as I handed them over as well.. I knew that Jerome would return to claim me, and I was at a severe disadvantage without my weapons. I opened my mouth to tell them, before I closed it. 

I decided to tell Aragorn later, when no one else was around. I did not plan to keep any more secrets from the one that I loved. Even if I was embarrassed, I would not lie to him any longer. Love cannot blossom among lies.

I yawned again. 'I need to rest,' I said quietly. The others looked at me, before nodding slowly.

'We'll come and check on you later,' Éomer said, as most walked out of the room.

Aragorn kissed me on the forehead, and I weakly struck at him for it. 'I'm not a child,' I muttered sleepily.

'I know.' His warm mouth covered mine again, and I moaned softly, as his warmth seemed to light up my own soul. I responded eagerly, pressing my lips against his firmly, before weariness overtook me. I was half asleep when he leaned me down onto the bed.

I murmured a protest when he withdrew his lips and hands. 'Aragorn…'

Aragorn smiled gently. 'Rest, dear one. I will return in a short while.'

I nodded, before I drifted off into sleep. 

I was so exhausted that I never heard the window open a few hours later, or a silent figure slip through it and approach where I slept.

************************************************************************

Jerome smirked, drawing me back to the present. "Did you really believe that the king of Rohan's pitiful security could keep you safe from me? You must be losing your touch, Rogue."

I still said nothing. Jerome slapped me across the face with his free hand. I was just biding time until the moment to strike came. But I was at a disadvantage. The sword at my throat was my main concern. I needed to get it away from him, before he managed to kill me.

But I also knew that he wanted me alive. "Why do you want me alive?" I finally questioned.

"I already told you that once. You are worth a lot of money, Rogue. I should know," he said, sneering at me.

"What do you mean?" I demanded.

An evil smile crossed his face. "I know what you went through for years. I was one of your customers, after all. You were very satisfying to me."

"You're insane," I hissed at him. I scanned through the memories I had of that place. I never remembered seeing him there. Then again, it had been just another rape to me. I wouldn't have noticed.

"Who's on the other end of the sword?" Jerome snarled. "Turn over, elf."

"Never," I snapped, through gritted teeth. "I would die first." I could sense his rage building, and knew that it would give me an edge. He wouldn't be so focused, being blinded with anger. A definite advantage for me over his strength and agility.

Jerome pressed the blade even more firmly into my throat. A tiny cut appeared, stinging, and blood began to trickle out of it. "You will die eventually, Rogue, but not until I'm finished with you. Now do as I said."

I pretended to comply, and turned over carefully, waiting for the moment went the sword lifted. A cold hand touched my bare back, and traveled downwards. I tensed and waited, as I felt him climb onto the bed and begin to fuss with my leggings. Then I struck.

My right foot lashed out and kicked the sword from his hand. I blessed Éomer for insisting that I learn to use all of my senses to their fullest, not just seeing. I'd heard the sounds of Jerome's grip shifting on the sword, and used that as a beacon.

Jerome snarled, as I swiftly turned and struck him with my other foot. He flew backwards, onto the floor. Blood trickled down his face from where my left foot had connected with his nose.

"I am not so easily taken any more, Jerome," I said, an unpleasant smile on my face. "Do me the honor of not underestimating me."

He searched around for his sword; I spotted it a moment before he did, and flung myself over there. I grabbed it up, and threw it through the open window. A low growl emerged from Jerome, before he rushed at me.

I fell to the ground, still tired and weak from the tremendous blood loss. Even elves could not recover that much blood in such a short time. His hands hit me several times, before I swung with my right fist, directly into his ribcage. We both heard cracking sounds, but it didn't seem to slow him down. Panic soared in me now.

A tearing sound caught my attention. Jerome was tearing at my bandages, probably to use them to bind me. I hoped that they had scabs on them, at least, as he tore them off and tried to tie my hands together. I would never win this fight, and I knew it. Jerome knew it as well, as he grabbed my hands and wrapped the bandages around them tightly.

So I took a deep breath, and yelled for help for the first time in my life. "Aragorn!" I shouted, as loudly as I could. "Éomer! Gimli! Frodo!"

Jerome backhanded me hard, and I spat blood out of my mouth. He straddled me, as I struck at him with my legs, but my strength was failing. My anger had given me strength temporarily, but even when I was at my best, Jerome was my fiercest opponent. I could never beat him when I was so weak. I glared at him, anger flashing in my green eyes. I heard the sounds of people running, as Jerome struck me hard again. My vision blurred as I lashed out with my right foot and managed to strike him.

"You'll be going back to where you belong, elf," Jerome snarled, as he began to bind my feet.

"Go to hell," I swore, struggling and squirming as he bound my feet.

Jerome scowled, but froze as he, too, heard the rapidly approaching footsteps. "We should go now," he smirked. "I have what I came for." He stood and easily lifted me, flinging me over his shoulder.

Desperation made me swing my bound hands hard into his back. I ignored the fact that they were bleeding, as he hissed in pain and flung me onto the floor.

"You'll pay for that, Rogue. I hold one of your old friends prisoner." Jerome approached me again.

"Who?" I demanded.

Jerome smiled evilly. "A certain girl we both know, whom you saved nearly five years ago. Lector sends you greetings, by the way. He is fond of her."

"You wouldn't dare to touch her," I retorted.

"Oh, she hasn't been touched. Come willingly back to where it all began, Rogue, or she will be hurt," he said, looking triumphant. "Continue to resist, won't you?"

Despair rushed over me. Go back to my past, I thought incredulously. I'd sooner die. But I had to save Lianna. I bowed my head in surrender. I could not fight him when he held her prisoner and would hurt her.

Jerome approached me, smirking, and grabbed a hold of my bound hands. "Let's go, elf."

The door burst open, and my friends stood there, before lunging forward.

Éomer and Aragorn drew their swords and confronted Jerome, who backed away, while Frodo and Gimli raced over to where I lay.

Gimli slit the bandages around my hands and feet with a dagger.

"Let him go!" I shouted as strongly as I could.

Jerome smirked, as Aragorn and Éomer turned to look at me in shock.

"I had a feeling you would see it my way, Rogue." His voice was a little too confident for my liking.

"You didn't give me a choice," I snapped, as I stood shakily. "I will return to where it all started." I approached him unsteadily, and glared into his eyes. "But if she is hurt in anyway, I will not rest until I see you dead. Understood?" My voice was cold and cruel, which is how my eyes probably looked.

A hint of fear shone in his eyes. "I will wait for you there. Take time to fully recover, Rogue, but not too long." Jerome sprang lightly out of the window.

"Who is he?" Aragorn demanded.

I turned to look at him. "My rival," I said, feeling numb again. "And I must do as he says, for he holds a friend prisoner." I turned to face them all.

"I am going with you," Aragorn said.

"This is my fight, Aragorn, and a personal one. I do not want to see you get hurt," I said.

Aragorn scowled at me. "I will follow you if you leave me behind, Legolas."

I sighed. Aragorn was serious, and I knew it. "All right. But no more can come. This will be a journey to confront my past and I want none of you to be in peril." And to preserve Liana's future, I added silently. "We leave when my wrists are healed."

Aragorn walked over to me, and touched me on the shoulder. I swayed slightly, and he supported me. One of his hands touched my face, before he stroked my hair. 'Once more, you are failed, Legolas.'

'I was going to tell you when I awoke, Aragorn,' I said quietly. 'I thought I'd have time to tell you before Jerome struck again.'

The others watched us silently.

To be continued


	12. Setting Out

Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for violence and deals with the aftermath of a suicide attempt, mentioned rape! Elvish speech is in ''. Language warning! Aragorn's POV. Takes place a few days later.

Setting Out

Part 12

I was in the room I shared with Legolas, packing my bag. I had placed spare clothes, food, flint, and anything else we might possibly need on this journey. Legolas was currently speaking to Éomer.

I was slightly jealous of the closeness that the two shared. But the one I loved had reassured me that there was nothing beyond friendship and brotherly affection between himself and the King of Rohan.

I finished packing, and walked over to the mirror. I was apprehensive about the clothes that I was wearing. I knew that it was a serious quest that Legolas and I were going on, but I wanted to look all right.

My traveling clothes consisted of a pair of black breeches, a dark-blue tunic, and an equally dark-green shirt. I wore a faded brown cloak, with a hood, as Legolas had instructed, and my regular boots.

Anduril was strapped at my side, though hidden by my cloak. I grabbed my pack and water bag, before I went to see if my Elven lover was finished. I hoped that we would be able to work things out while we were away.

We hadn't made love since Sarag had tried to rape him when he showed up again. I waited patiently for when Legolas would be ready, and I knew he was not. I sighed quietly, for I felt that I could have done something to prevent this whole mess from ever happening.

I walked down the hallway, not noticing the pictures or anything, as I looked around, hoping to catch a glimpse of Legolas. I finally heard his voice, as he spoke to Éomer. I approached the two, after pausing to admire the outfit that he'd chosen for himself.

I could only see part of him, as he stood there, turned towards the King of Rohan.

He wore a light brown tunic, and a green shirt, which matched his emerald eyes. A dark cloak, with a hood, hung from his shoulders, and matched his own dark leggings. His long, blond hair was no longer in braids, but pulled back in a low ponytail, to keep it out of his face. A pack, with a water bag, was on his back, as my lover gestured with his hands to emphasize what he was saying to Éomer.

Legolas turned to me and a sort-of smile appeared on his face in greeting, before he finished his conversation with the King of Rohan.

I watched as Éomer nodded and clapped Legolas on the shoulder.

'Take care of yourself, you hear me?' Éomer said sternly. 'I want a full account when you return.'

'As always, Éomer,' Legolas said, a resigned look on his face. 'We'll both tell you what happened.'

The King of Rohan nodded. 'I need to speak with Aragorn alone, Legolas, so why don't you go say farewell to Frodo and Gimli now?'

The three of us knew that it was more of an order than a command, and Legolas frowned, before he did as he was told.

I had already said farewell to the Hobbit and dwarf, so I waited until Legolas was out of sight, before turning to Éomer.

The King of Rohan walked over to me, and handed me Legolas's weapons.

At my shocked look, he explained, "I would not send him defenseless, Aragorn, but neither would I give him a means with which to harm himself. I trust your judgment; if you believe that Legolas will no longer hurt himself, give them back to him."

I nodded, before I removed my pack. I put the daggers, sword, and quiver in there. The bow I strung on my back. I was further surprised when Éomer gripped my shoulder hard.

"I believe that you are a Man of honor, so I mean no offense when I say this. But say it I must. Do not rush him, Aragorn," Éomer said neutrally.

"I follow his lead in all matters, save for suicide," I muttered. 'And I will continue to do so until he is ready. I wait for him to tell me he is.'

Éomer sighed and slipped back into Elvish. 'This journey will be hard on him, for he is returning to the last place he wants to go, save for Gondor. The town you are heading for is the one where he was kept prisoner in the slave-house.'

I turned slightly pale. 'I only knew that this Jerome and Lector knew him from the past. Why would they want him to return there and kidnap one of Legolas's friends to force him to come back?'

'Lector was his Master, Aragorn,' Éomer said grimly. 'He is the one I took Legolas away from when I rescued him. It appears that Lector still wants him back, even after the punishment I gave him.'

'What did you do to him?' I asked numbly, wondering why Legolas had not told me this. Then I realized that he had probably worried about what my reaction would be, and was trying to find a way to tell me.

The sounds of someone approaching made us end the conversation quickly.

'I'll let Legolas tell you that,' Éomer said with a hint of amusement in his eyes.

I reluctantly nodded, and turned to see that it was Legolas who was coming.

'We should leave now, Aragorn, before we lose the day's light,' he told me.

I replied, 'I am ready when you are.'

Éomer embraced Legolas, and bid him farewell, before he clapped me on the shoulder. The King of Rohan then walked away.

I turned to Legolas. 'Let's go.'

He nodded. The two of us walked together, left the castle, and, eventually, the gate.

For a long while, we said nothing, as we walked in silence.

I caught him glancing at me a few times, before he turned away.

I deeply sighed. 'Why didn't you tell me who Lector was, Legolas?'

Legolas frowned. 'Éomer told you,' he stated flatly. 'Didn't he?'

I nodded. 'I would preferred to hear it from you,' I admitted.

'I would have told you when we stopped to rest for the night,' Legolas said quietly. 'And I would also have told you more of Jerome and my friend that was kidnapped.'

'I see.' 

The silence between us was almost unbearable, as we walked for hours, saying nothing. The sun was low in the sky before I knew it, and I was exhausted.

Legolas had his hood on, keeping his pointed ears from showing.

I had mine on to counter the heat from the sun, so it did not bear down on my head.

I slowly sipped from my water bag, before I offered it to Legolas. 

We had seen no streams or ponds yet, so we were being careful with our water supply.

He took it and drank for a few minutes, before handing it back. A slim, pale hand wiped the excess off of his mouth, as he turned to look at me.

'Thanks. How are you doing?' Legolas questioned.

I was very tired. Legolas had done much more traveling than me, from the stories he'd told me. Ruling a kingdom does not let you have much time to travel and have adventures.

I smiled. 'I'm all right,' I said, slightly stretching the truth.

A knowing look came into his eyes. 'Are you really, Aragorn? You look tired.'

'I'm a little tired,' I admitted, trying to stifle a yawn.

'Then we should stop and make camp,' Legolas announced. He knew this area, so I followed his lead, as he led me to a quiet spot. The Elf easily passed through the branches, until he stopped in a well-hidden clearing.

I was impressed and said as much.

I saw a smile cross his face, before he took off his pack, and removed his bedroll. I did the same, before I gathered a few sticks together to light a fire.

Legolas caught me yawning. 'When is the last time you walked so far, Aragorn?' he questioned curiously.

'Not since the Quest have I walked for an entire day without a break,' I confessed.

A look of horror came over his Elven face. 'You should have told me, and I would have stopped to rest.'

'Tis all right,' I murmured, before I dug out the flint.

Legolas firmly took the flint from me and gave me a little nudge towards my bed. 'Go and rest, Aragorn. I will prepare the meal.'

I frowned, and started to protest, but he silenced me with a finger on my lips.

'Aragorn, you will need to rest if you are going to take a watch tonight. If you don't rest now, I will not let you take watch. Make your choice.'

I briefly wondered what he would do if I made a surprise third choice and kissed him. I was surprised when I saw a strange look in his eyes as he gazed at me.

Legolas licked his lips, standing there so still, before he removed his finger from mine. I saw the desire and emotion in his emerald eyes, as we stood there, frozen in time for a moment.

As if in a dream, I reached out, put my arms around Legolas's thin waist, and pulled him close. The flint hit the ground, as Legolas licked his lips for a second time, with his mouth slightly opened.

And then I kissed him.

To be continued


	13. Ready

Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for violence and deals with the aftermath of a suicide attempt, mentioned rape! Elvish speech is in ''. Language warning! Legolas's POV. Takes place right after the last chapter. Lemon warning!

Ready

Part 13

Aragorn's lips covered mine softly, and my eyes closed of their own accord, as I basked in the sweetness of the kiss.

I reveled in it, for I had missed this, though it had not been long since the last kiss. But that had been to bring me out of the darkness in my soul.

I moaned, and chased Aragorn's mouth hungrily. I was surprised at the desire that shot through me, for I also felt unworthy to be touched by him.

That thought stopped me cold. What right did someone like me have to be with Aragorn? He deserved someone else… who did not have to face the demons I did. My past could never truly leave me, no matter if I so desired it.

'What's wrong, Legolas?' Aragorn questioned.

I pulled back, and looked directly in his beautiful eyes. 'You deserve better,' I said flatly.

A frown appeared on his face. 'What do you mean?'

'You should have someone… stronger.' I didn't anticipate the anger those words would bring, as I continued. 'Not someone broken and uncertain if his soul is dying.'

Fury blazed in his eyes. 'I don't want someone else; I want you.' He grabbed me hard, and kissed me again.

A surge of remembered agony went through me, as I lashed out, panic overturning the desire that the kiss stirred in me.

Gentle hands on my face eased away my panic slowly. I looked into Aragorn's grey eyes, feeling apprehension, slight fear, remembered pain, love, and desire.

'Trust me,' he told me, before he kissed me for a third time. His tongue entered my mouth this time, for I had opened it to say something.

I nearly swooned from pleasure, and my body remembered what my heart had forgotten. The love was always there and never forgotten, but pleasure from the one I loved had been. I knew that this would not heal me as much as it had when Aragorn and I had found each other again.

But it would help me, I knew, as I consciously surrendered to Aragorn's gentle ministrations. One of his hands had found its way under my shirt and tunic, and skimmed over my chest. A small sigh of pleasure left my lips.

I whispered, 'I do trust you.'

Aragorn understood what I had meant, in words that I had not said. I trusted him not to hurt me, and showed it in my submission. But it did not mean that I would always surrender to him. Love was not like that.

Warm hands lowered me to the ground gently, after taking off my cloak and spreading it out for us to lay on. I forgot my pain and sorrow, letting the one I loved dominate over me. Gone was the darkness for now.

Aragorn's hands removed my shirt and tunic, and traced my features gently. 'Relax a little, Legolas,' he said quietly. 'I will not hurt you.'

I hadn't realized how tense my body still was until he said those words. I took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. My hands reached for Aragorn, and tugged at his shirt. To my surprise, he swatted at my hands, before removing his own shirt.

I frowned at him, as he pressed another kiss on my lips.

'My rules…' Aragorn drawled out slowly. He teased alternately with his tongue, running it over my pointed ears.

I sighed softly. 'Very well, dear one,' I told him, using the endearment that he frequently bestowed on me.

Aragorn smiled, before lowering himself onto me. Our bodies fit together perfectly, in my opinion. I was getting aroused, as his hands skimmed over my bare skin, as if he were sculpting me.

'Aragorn,' I gasped, as one slid into my leggings and began tormenting me. A low chuckle echoed, and I squeezed my eyes closed as the torment grew worse.

'Wait for it,' Aragorn seductively whispered.

I moaned and arched my body towards him. All I could think of was needing him… wanting him… 'Please…' I was stunned to find myself begging. I had not done such a thing for a long time.

He shook his head, and continued the slow torture, bringing me to the brink of release numerous times, before stopping, only to begin once more. I sank deeper into the cloak-covered ground beneath me, as he shifted over me, and began removing my leggings.

Aragorn was watching me now. I knew my face was flushed with desire and my breathing was short and gasping.

'Enjoying yourself?' he teased slightly, after removing my leggings fully and throwing them aside.

A wordless cry escaped from me, a pleading, begging sound.

Aragorn shook his head yet again, and I groaned, starting to get frustrated.

Another low chuckle caught my attention. 'You moan very sweetly, Legolas,' Aragorn whispered as he stood. He finally began working on his own breeches and dropped them, before

'I'm going to punish you,' I muttered, as he reclaimed his position on top of me.

'You can try,' he jested, before starting the pleasurable yet unbearable teasing with his hands again. This time, Aragorn finally brought me to my release, catching it in his right hand.

A hoarse cry had escaped from me. 'Torturer,' I whispered. I turned to him, intending to pleasure him as he had pleasured me.

But he surprised me once more, by catching my wrists gently but firmly in his left hand. Aragorn prepared himself, as his intense gaze sent desire through me.

I whimpered as his warm breath brushed my right ear. I was in ecstasy right now, and could feel no trace of the darkness inside of me.

Aragorn turned me over with his hand carefully, and began preparing me. I couldn't believe how childish I was acting now, as I begged and whimpered beneath his touch. How had he done this to me, I wondered.

Slight pain shot through me, and I moaned a little. Aragorn hesitated, before I arched towards him, taking it out of his hands.

He gasped, 'Legolas…' The one I loved pleasured us both, as my cries grew urgent and deeper, until…

I lay in Aragorn's arms, and the two of us were breathing heavily.

'I will not always surrender to you,' I told him firmly. 'And I will get my revenge on you.'

'I know,' Aragorn replied. 

We'd used up quite a few hours, I realized. But I sighed, and stayed where I was.

'Why do you believe you are so unworthy?' Aragorn questioned gently.

I froze. 'I tried to kill myself,' I said flatly. I turned away from him, and tried to sit up.

Aragorn held me tight, as he sat up as well. He then pulled me onto his lap and kept a firm grip on me. 'I do not see you as unworthy because of that, and neither should you.'

'I do. You deserve one who knows if their soul is alive,' I told him. The familiar darkness was coursing through me once more. 'For I do not.'

'I love you and no other, and I will not leave you,' Aragorn said, a bit harshly. He seemed at a loss for what to say about my soul.

I kept my face away from him. 'My soul is dark, Aragorn. I will most likely drag you into the darkness with me, and I could not forgive myself if I did so.' I could feel his frown.

'Is it so hard for you to ask for help?' he said angrily. 'You withhold yourself, and feel you must be perfect. No-one is perfect.'

'You are,' I snapped. 'You deserve to have an equal in that respect.'

A bitter laugh came from Aragorn. 'I am not perfect. I listened to Sarag over you, and grew angry when you tried to warn me. You are more perfect than me.'

'I am not!' I cried, as I tried to leave his lap. His arms locked around my waist, keeping me there. I struggled for a few moments, before giving up. I didn't want to win, anyway. 'I could have told you of his mischief; of how he tried to get me to leave you. But I did not.' I shifted, and his grip grew tighter.

'What do you mean?' Aragorn demanded.

I turned to where I could see his eyes. 'H-He told me to leave numerous times, giving me many different reasons of why. The foremost one was that you needed an heir. I told him that as long as you wanted me, I was yours. Two days later, I received the note to meet you. And you know what happened after that.' My voice sounded bitter, even to me. Every time I started to forget, it always came back.

'Legolas…' Aragorn sighed. 'Proud one, promise me that you will keep no more secrets to yourself that burden your soul.'

To be continued


	14. No More Secrets

Note: None of these are my characters except for the unknown ones! Rated R for violence and deals with the aftermath of a suicide attempt, mentioned rape! Takes place right after the last chapter. Aragorn's POV. Elvish speech is in ' '. A bit lemony…

No More Secrets

Part 14

I held Legolas firmly on my lap. 'I mean it, Legolas. I do not want you suffering in silence any more. I love you.'

His blond head rested against my bare chest, and his face was still flushed. A few stray blond hair clung to his face, which had sweat on it. 'I do not want to cause you any more pain, Aragorn,' he murmured. 'Tis bad enough that you have suffered because of me.'

I felt him shift a little, and kissed the side of his slender, pale neck. 'I love you,' I said firmly. 'Your pain is mine, and I will not let you fall into the darkness, Legolas.' He moaned a little, as I trailed kisses down his throat.

Legolas whispered, 'I love you too, Aragorn. I have loved you ever since I first met you, and nothing could take that away, not even…'

My hands crept up to his bare shoulders and began massaging them gently. A sigh of pleasure left him, as **my** Elf leaned towards me unconsciously. 'We did not go through the Quest and being separated to be torn apart once more, my love. Nothing will tear us apart again. Not even this new quest,' I whispered in his pointed ear.

His face turned towards me, and he kissed me hungrily. I groaned, and pushed him back onto the ground, positioning myself over him. Legolas was so beautiful, I thought. His deceitfully slender body, the softness of his ivory skin, the beads of sweat on his forehead, and his gleaming blond hair, which was still tied back. I reached up and undid it, watching it cascade over Legolas' shoulders.

'Beautiful,' I whispered.

Legolas frowned slightly and shook his head. 'Nay,' he told me.

I frowned back and kissed him harder, drawing another moan from him. I then restated, 'Beautiful.' My hands began darting over him, drawing the most exquisite sounds I had ever heard. A whimper came from his sweet, perfect mouth, and I seized the opportunity to plunder it with my tongue.

Legolas arched towards me, desire and love in those emerald eyes. I groaned, as his tongue entered my own mouth. We continued the frantic, insistent kisses and I continued tracing his perfect body with my hands. Legolas shuddered and cried out hoarsely, but I silenced him with a kiss.

'Must you torment me so?' Legolas moaned, as he licked his lips, gazing up at me.

I inclined my head, after propping myself up with my arms.. 'Must you be so judgmental of yourself?' I questioned. 'I chose you, Legolas, and no other. I will never leave your side again willingly.' Sweat trickled down my face, as I gazed at the beautiful Elf, who I cherished.

Legolas' hands reached up and pulled me back down onto him. 'You never left my side willingly,' he reminded me, bringing his hands up to my face.

I cupped his face in my hands tenderly. 'I never intend to leave you again, dear one. Willing or not, I did leave you once. I feel guilt over that, and would that I might be able to get revenge on those who hurt you.'

'You can, for I must face Lector again.' Legolas sighed. 'Although I do not wish to do so. Understand, Aragorn, that I am not afraid of him. But I could happily live never seeing him again.'

'I do understand,' I told him. A slender hand crept down my bare chest, before pausing slightly. Desire shone in my eyes, and I looked at him wordlessly. His perfect lips covered mine, of his own accord. 'Do you seek to torment me now?' I wondered aloud.

A quiet laugh was my answer. Legolas kissed me again, as I drew in a breath. His tongue pushed into my mouth, tantalizing me. Another groan left me and I felt his hands bestowing upon me what I had done to him earlier. Soon I cried out my own release, and Legolas smiled up at me.

'Fey,' I whispered. A sly grin was my answer, and I was glad that Legolas now seemed so light-hearted. He was so melancholy now that it severely troubled me. My lover genuinely believed that he would eventually give in to whatever was plaguing his soul.

An Elf's soul was not easily twisted, corrupted, broken, or destroyed. Particularly one as strong as Legolas' was. But he had gone through anguish, pain, and nightmares that no Elf should go through. It was not surprising that it had broken him, eventually. But Legolas was stronger than he gave himself credit for.

At least, that was my belief. Or was it just coincidence that Legolas had slipped up and let Frodo see the self-inflected wounds on his arm? I didn't believe so, for I thought that it was his way of crying out for help, when he could not bring himself to say the words. Legolas had even admitted that he did not want to die. I had no intention of letting him die, either by his own hand or one of his enemies'.

I wished that I had a written list of those who had hurt the one I loved. I would have loved to kill each and every one of them with Anduril, leaving none left to hurt him again. Legolas deserved far better than what he had gotten, and I was going to make certain that it would not go unpunished, although I had been told that Lector, at least, had been punished by Éomer.

Legolas stirred under me, bringing me out of my thoughts. 'I believe that you are holding me prisoner, Aragorn,' he teased, a small smile one his face. Amusement danced in his pure-emerald eyes.

'That's right,' I whispered seductively. 'I'm never letting you go, Legolas.' My tongue flicked his right ear tip, causing him to shiver slightly.

He mock-frowned at me. 'We do have a reason that we are heading back there, Aragorn.' Yet he made no attempt to get up.

I hungrily kissed him, with my tongue entering his mouth as he started saying something else. 'Time means nothing to Immortals, Legolas…' I drawled out, as my hands skimmed down to his thighs.

'But it means everything to my friend,' he murmured. 'You heard what Jerome said. He's holding her prisoner to get to me.' A hoarse gasp erupted from him, as I kissed him again, teasing Legolas with my tongue.

'If you insist…' I told him.

Legolas groaned. 'Aragorn… How can I focus on our quest when you insist on distracting me?'

I chuckled low, and caressed his golden hair, as he gazed up at me. 'Very well,' I sighed. I kissed him, long and sweet, until I pulled myself off of him and sat up slowly. Legolas sat up as well, and began replacing his clothes. I did the same, and our eyes met occasionally.

Legolas seemed so lost sometimes. He feared that his light was fading away, and that he might do the same to me. I was never going to give up; I would not let his soul fade into nothingness. He is my reason for living, and I will not lose him again, I vowed grimly. As soon as this quest was over, we were returning to Gondor for a while. I would make it clear that anyone who disturbed Legolas in any way would be punished severely. It was the best I could do to protect him, for Éomer claimed that the one I loved had not known the soldiers who had just stood there and watched him be raped.

The next person I caught hurting Legolas was going to die a very painful death, I thought angrily. I was uncertain as to who we were going to rescue, but Legolas said that it was one of his old friends. It would probably be a very painful time for him.

That reminded me; I still had Legolas' weapons. I was planning to give them to him when we drew nearer to the town, but I was not afraid that he would try to kill himself again. He had given me his word that he did not want to die, but that he did not know how to live.

The two of us gathered our things together and began walking again. Legolas had fixed his hair, retying it back, and the two of us spoke quietly. He told me of Lianna and how he had first met her, when Jerome and his gang were attacking her.

I asked him questions, but did not press him on the questions that he seemed reluctant to answer. I would eventually get an answer, however. I meant what I had told him; I did not want him keeping any more secrets from me.

To be continued


End file.
